Monday, July 5, 2010

The Case Against Healthy Living


My mom, at 90, (that's microsoft clip art on the left, I do respect her privacy), has more or less lost her mind. She has gone from crabby and forgetful, to nasty and clueless, to weirdly paranoid. She believes that there is a conspiracy afoot to use her for medical experiments and collect her money. We, her children, are required to answer trick questions to prove that we are who we say we are, and not part of this plot. My sister flunked because she couldn't remember her birth weight.
My parents are cousins, and the traits they share emerge in all their offspring. Many of these traits are actually kind of cool. Good skin. High HDL. Verbal intelligence. A sense of humor. One of the not-cool traits, it now appears, is a decline into disabling dementia in the late 80's. My dad suffered only a year of or two of vagueness before he died of a stroke at 87. My mom, who has lived the healthiest life imaginable in every way, still has nothing life-threatening wrong with her at all. Her heart is fine, her lungs are fine, no diabetes. She has the blood pressure and lab results of a 30-year-old. She has arthritis, and she is mad as a coot. People in her family have made it past 100. This could go on for years.
I hope very much to follow my father's model. I am revising my ideas about healthy living. I want that stroke or heart attack that will finish me off before the paranoid delusions set in. I figure that by eating enough doughnuts and not exercising too much, I might be able to time it about right.